I Am The Man
Plot Emma learns the truth behind Chad Cop and Sarah Connors, Simon takes a big step in his relationship with Sarah, Alice gets some news about her book. Rating: TV-MA *Mild Violence *Brief Nudity *Adult Content *Adult Language Characters *Simon *Thomas *Molly *Alice *Michael *Emma *Veronica *Sarah Connors *Chad Cop (Mentioned) *Mr. Black *Mr. Grayson Transcript 11:00 PM On a Friday (Opens with Emma walking into Alice's apartment) Emma: Alice, you won't believe what's going on with… (Notices Alice and Thomas sitting on the couch looking at Emma) Thomas: I think we know more than you do. Emma: More of what? Alice: Sit Emma. (Emma goes to sit in the middle of the couch) Emma: So what really is going on? Thomas: Well, Alice should explain. (Emma turns to Alice) Alice: Remember how everyone thought I was crazy because Simon was with Sarah Connors? Emma: (Nods head) Yeah. Alice: It's not so crazy now because, Sarah and Chad Cop are pretty much the same person. Emma: Wait, what? Alice: Chad Cop can transform into Sarah, like how she can then turn back into him. Emma: (Shocked) Oh my god! You mean I could've been having sex with a woman? Thomas: (Curious) Did you? Emma: No. I was going to, but then I found out about this. Alice: So what do we do now? Thomas: We could just tell everyone. Alice: Well Molly won't believe me since she's too busy with Veronica, Simon would just think he's drunk, but then there's Michael. Emma: We should find a way to tell him. Thomas: Why don't we tell everyone now so that it's out in the open. Alice: They still wouldn't believe us, I mean come on. A love obsessed woman, a crack addict, and a man who's stalking his crush, they'll think we're crazy. Emma: Maybe we can find a way to get Michael to know, but how. (They all have a thinking expression for a couple of seconds) Emma: I got it! Alice: What Em? Emma: Maybe we can convince him to spend some time with Sarah, and we'll say because his best friend Simon thinks that it should be necessary. Thomas: I think we should just tell them. Alice: No I agree, I mean if I had a new boyfriend I would want you guys to spend some time with him, this could work. Emma: Of course. Now just let me take care of it, and you two just stay out of my way. Alice: I really have to, since I'm their next target. Emma: Wait, what? Alice: I'll explain later, just take care of all that. (Emma gets up and leaves, it then cuts to Simon and Sarah Connors in bed after having sex) Simon: That was fun! Sarah Connors: For sure. Simon: But I kinda of want to talk to you. Sarah Connors: Okay. (Turns to see Simon in bed) Simon: We've been seeing each other for about a month now, and I don't know much about you, like where you came from, or where you actually work? Sarah Connors: Well, I thought you wanted to have sex? Simon: I do. But since I've been with you, I kinda if want to see what actually being in a relationship is like, you know, because I hear it's so horrible. Sarah Connors: (Giggles) So what do you want to do with me? (Pulls off the blanket and reveals her breasts) Simon: (Touches Sarah's breasts for a couple seconds) You want to move in with me? Sarah Connors: (Surprised) Really, you think about that? Simon: Uh, well look at it like this, if we move in, then we can do more of that god fucking we like. (Sarah Connors thinks for a couple seconds) Sarah Connors: (In her head) This could help break the suspicions about Emma. (To Simon) Okay, I'll move in. Simon: Great! Well then make yourself at home. (They both get up and put on their clothes) Sarah Connors: And by good fucking… Simon: …sex, that's what I meant. Sarah Connors: Just checking. (Kisses Simon as it cuts to Michael looking on his record shelf the next day at Ball Busters) Michael: I need something good. (Emma approaches Michael) Emma: Hey Mike, whatcha up to? Michael: Picking out tonight's songs, I don't know whether to play Afrojack or Zedd. Emma: (Interrupts) So Michael, what do you think of Sarah, Simon's girlfriend? Michael: Sarah Connors? I don't know, she seems alright. Emma: Well if you really want to know her more, why don't you hang out with her, do something together like go bowling or something. Michael: Oh, well do you think Simon would be okay with it. Emma: (Thinks for a second) Most likely yes. Michael: (Thinks for a few seconds) Okay, I'll see if she's available tonight. Emma: (Smiles) Great. (Walks off and sees Molly and Veronica kissing at the bar) Molly: (To Emma) Em, what's going on? Emma: Oh nothing, but I see that you two seem very happy. Veronica: Why wouldn't we, we're young and in love, it's just right. (Kisses Molly's cheek) Emma: Well I got a question. Molly & Veronica: Sure. Emma: Since it's two girls in the relationship, who would be the tough one out of the two. (Molly and Veronica stare at each other for a few seconds) Molly: Well… Veronica: (Interrupts) …that would be me. Molly: (Slightly angry) Wait, you would be the man of the relationship Veronica: Well yeah, I Am the man of this relationship. Molly: How? Veronica: I had to learn what a man is like from my two idiot brothers, and I do work out. Molly: Ronnie, I don't think yoga and stretching your body can be considered working out. Veronica: Then what about you? Molly: I've killed people before, and I can be aggressive underneath this cute face. Veronica: (Giggles) Yeah right. Molly: Okay then, well… (Puts her hand on the bar counter and notices it greasy and messy) Yuck! This place is a mess. Emma: (To Molly) Don't you guys have janitors. Molly: We have those mexican janitors that come in during the morning, but most recently they have been taking more breaks then they should have. Emma: How many? Molly: Like five. Veronica: (To Molly) Oh, so that proves one thing about you, it's that you can be easily manipulated. Molly: (Slightly shocked) What? No I'm not. Veronica: Then prove it. Molly: I will, I'll prove that I can be the man, and that in this relationship I Am the man! (Cuts to Alice in her apartment doing the dishes and her cellphone rings) Alice: (On the phone) Hello? Mr. Grayson: (On the other line) Alice, this must be you. Alice: (On the phone) Mr. Grayson, how are you doing? Mr. Grayson: (On the other line) Just swell, it seems your book is being rumored to be the next big novel. Alice: (On the phone) Are you serious? Mr. Grayson: (On the other line) Yes, I talked about the book with some good buddies of mine, and we may be able to get started publishing the book. Alice: (On the phone) That is so great, thank you! Mr. Grayson: (On the other line) I just need you to come to my office today. Alice: (On the phone) Got it. (Alice hangs up her cell phone as it cuts to Michael at a bowling alley waiting for Sarah Connors) Sarah Connors: (Approaches Michael) Mike, it's me Sarah. Michael: Oh hey, what took you so long? Sarah Connors: I….. (Thinks for a couple seconds) forgot my keys inside my place. (Pulls out her keys) See. Michael: Okay, so you ever went bowling? Sarah Connors: Oh… that game you play where you roll a ball down an alley into the sticks at the end. Michael: I'm guessing you haven't played before. Emma: (Suddenly cuts in between the two) Hey you two! I thought you might want some company so I added in my name. Let's ball. Michael: (Sighs) This should be interesting. (Cuts to three greenish spanish janitors smoking out of a bong in a van. Janitor One: Me Gusta es Weed! Janitor Two: Si! (They all laugh as Molly pounds on the back doors) Molly: Hey! Spanish Janitors! Can you come out! (They open the doors and a huge cloud of weed comes out and Molly coughs from it) Janitor Three: Buenas Dias Senorita. Molly: You three have been taking too many breaks and I would like to see you work more, got it!? (The three janitors laugh at Molly) Molly: (Sighs) Let me repeat myself. (Grabs the first Janitor's neck and strangles him against a wall tightly) Get back to work now! (He nods his head slowly) Molly: Good. (Let's him go) You two better join him, go! (The two other janitors follow the first janitor and Veronica watches) Veronica: (Claps) Impressive, so you do live up to the nickname Weird Girl. Molly: You know it. (Starts to make out with Veronica as it cuts to Alice in Mr. Grayson's office) Mr. Grayson: (Walks in) Alice. Alice: Mr. Grayson, Hi! (Shakes his hand as he sits down in his desk chair) Mr. Grayson: So this book is quite impressive, it pretty much speaks to anyone who has ever had feelings for someone they can't have. Alice: Well, it pretty much is based on myself. Mr. Grayson: Are you serious? Alice: (Quietly) Yes. Mr. Grayson: Fascinating, this writing is so poetic, you have a great taste for literature. Alice: Really? Even when I said that "his long cock could wake up every bitch in the world"? Mr. Grayson: You also know good humor. Alice: (Smiles) Thank you. So when can we get the book published? Mr. Grayson: Well, I just have to speak with the major publishers and see if I can get it released so… (Suddenly he gets shot in the head from the window) Alice: (Screams) Holy Shit! (Mr. Black is shown on a rooftop with a sniper rifle and it turns out he was the one who shot Mr. Grayson) Mr. Black: Strike One. (Cuts to Sarah Connors bowling and she does a strike) Sarah Connors: Yay! Michael: Wow, and this is your first time bowling? Sarah Connors: I guess so. Emma: Cool. (Thinks in her head) I have to find a way of exposing Sarah. Sarah Connors: Your turn Mike. (Michael gets ready to bowl as Sarah Connors sits down next to Emma) Emma: (Purposely spills her beer on Sarah's Leg) Oh shit, Sarah I'm so sorry. Sarah Connors: Oh that's okay. (Nothing changes about her) Emma: (Thinks in her head) Fuck, that didn't work. Michael: Okay Emma your turn. Emma: Great! (Gets up and prepares to bowl, right when she's about to let go, she purposely lets go of the bowling ball and it hits Sarah Connors in the face) Michael: Emma! What was that? Emma: Oh man, It must of slipped out of my hand. Sarah Connors: It's fine, it was only a… (Checks the ball size) 18. (Seems to look just fine) Emma: Okay. (Thinks) This bitch is good. (Cuts to Mr. Grayson's Office and EMT Officers are putting Mr. Grayson's dead body on a stretcher and Alice is shown looking shocked) Alice: Is he dead? EMT Officer: I'm sorry Ma'am, but Mr. Grayson is pronounced dead, the bullet was powerful enough to blow his brains completely. Alice: (Quietly) Oh, that's too bad. EMT Officer: Did you know him? Alice: He was going to get my book published. EMT Officer: Well then, today must not be your lucky day. (Alice walks out looking sad, as it cuts to Emma sitting with Sarah Connors and Michael at a bar) Emma: So that was a fun game. Michael: Yeah it was, except for when you poured water on the floor and tried to make Sarah fall down. Emma: I don't know, I just feel clumsy today. Sarah Connors: For what is was worth, I had a good time. Michael: Well then, I'm going to get you ladies some beer, be right back. (Michael gets up and goes to the bar) Emma: This has been fun. (Pulls out a crack stem and starts to smoke crack) Sarah Connors: Oh… (Starts to glitch) what are you… (glitches more) doing? Emma: I'm just… (Notices the glitching)…. uh, just smoking. Sarah Connors: Thats… (Glitches)… not a cigarette. Emma: (Yells) No, it's not a cigarette, it's crack! Michael: (Comes back with three beer bottles) Emma! What are you doing? (Takes her crack stem and throws it away) Emma: What? You know me. Michael: But in front of Sarah? Sarah Connors: (Goes back to normal) It's cool, I'm okay. Michael: Well Sarah, you probably don't know this but Emma is a crack addict. Emma: Yeah, I am. Sarah Connors: Thanks for pointing that out, now that I'm aware of Emma more in the future. Emma: (Thinks in her head) Thanks a lot Michael. (Cuts to Molly and Veronica making out in Alice's apartment on her couch) Molly: I'm hard aren't I? Veronica: I'm more than hard now. (They continue to make out as Alice walks in with tears in her eyes) Alice: My book is ruined. Molly: What? Alice: I was with Mr. Grayson, my agent, and suddenly he gets shot in the head. Veronica: Really? Sounds like something straight out of a movie. Alice: Now that he's dead, I can't get my book published. Molly: I'm sorry, can we do anything to make you feel better. Alice: Find someone who will give a shit about my book? (Molly and Veronica are silenced for a couple seconds and then continue to make out as Alice storms into her room still upset) Veronica: She's still crazy, right? Molly: Of course. (Simon storms in looking happy) Simon: Ladies, you can't have me anymore, cause Sarah and I have moved in together. Molly: Wow Simon, that's huge, especially since your still taking training lessons on actually calling a girl back after a date. Simon: Joke all you want, but at least I'm going home to a hot bitch every night, suck it! (Thomas walks in with a pizza) Thomas: Hey, did you hear that Mr. Black shot someone in a book agent's office today. (Alice storms out and throws Thomas's pizza in his face and she storms back in her room) Thomas: What the fu… Created by AndrewBrauer Written by AndrewBrauer '-Lighshow Episode 16-' 'What did you think about I Am The Man? Dogshit (1/5) Okay (2/5) Good (3/5) Terrific (4/5) A personal favorite (5/5) ' Trivia *Originally suppose to air on June 1st, the episode had to be delayed for June 8th, due to schedule delays. *We learn that drugs that enter Sarah Connor's system can make her glitch. *We learn that Molly can be very tough. Gallery I Am The Man.jpg|Molly about to beat up a janitor. Category:Episodes Category:Lightshow Category:June Releases